


losing your light (can't remain the same)

by nightsickness



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Gen, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 19:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2823053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightsickness/pseuds/nightsickness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He can't believe it. He can't seem to understand why terrible things have to happen to such amazing people, like Tyler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	losing your light (can't remain the same)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Fire by Sleeping With Sirens.

"Why can't I just die, Josh?"

That sentence is something Josh knows he will never be able to remove from his head. Ever.

Those six letters changed Josh's life.

He can't believe it. He can't seem to understand why terrible things have to happen to such amazing people, like Tyler.

He can't understand why Tyler has to go through this.

Why Tyler never sleeps, and instead finds himself staring at his bedroom ceiling at three in the morning.

Why Tyler can't ever breathe.

Why Tyler wants to die more than he wants to live, wants to drown more than he wants to fly.

Why Tyler and Josh are now in a bathroom, Tyler having a panic attack and Josh trying to calm him.

Why.

Tyler doesn't deserve this, no, the only person that deserves this sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach is Josh, Josh is the only one, not Tyler, not precious Tyler who can't even open his window by himself because it's too heavy, who can't cook his own meals, who can't even walk without tripping over his own two feet, Tyler doesn't deserve this, no -

 _Stop_.

It takes Josh an eternity to find his voice, only to have it get stuck in his throat again.

In the meantime, Tyler's forced the tears back and cleaned up the ones already staining his cheeks. The only proof that he'd been crying is his bloodshot eyes.

"I'm fine."

Josh gapes at Tyler.

Tyler, who just gave up one of his biggest secrets in the world, says he's fine.

Tyler's fine, guys! Tyler was just kidding. Tyler's _okay_.

"You asked me..."

"I know," Tyler snaps. "I didn't mean it."

"You didn't mean it?" Josh laughs. "Fuck you. You didn't mean to essentially confess that you're suicidal? As if I don't fucking know what that means. What that's like!"

Tyler closes his eyes, then opens them, then closes them again. He opens his mouth to speak, but no words will spill out, though he knows he has several.

"Fuck," Josh whispers. "We're messed up."

Tyler nods wordlessly.

"Maybe we're not as okay as we'd like to be."

"Maybe," Tyler agrees.

"That's okay, though, right?" Josh grins a little despite himself. "It's not - it's not like we don't have each other."

Tyler shrugs, staring somewhere beyond Josh.

"Uh, let's, um, let's get out of here."

Josh shakily rises to his feet and pulls Tyler up, holding on to him even after he's steady to make sure he doesn't collapse.

The two walk towards the door, and Josh looks over anxiously at Tyler to make sure the younger man is okay before opening it and stepping back into their world, their life, away from the restroom that holds all of their horrible secrets.


End file.
